With my hood still pulled over my eyes, and Wyatt pushing my wheelchair, we made our way to the L&D ward where they wanted to set me up for monitoring in a triage room. R, who knew the nurses by name, suggested to them that I was ready for a delivery room right away.
I was taken to a delivery room where Wyatt and R went to work setting up my comfort items: music (we played Enya literally all day), aromatherapy spray, several icons (one of Christ as a child, with His mother, and the other of my patron saint, St. Sarah). Our nurse, whom R said is one of the best-- I agree-- set me up with wireless monitors on my belly, and tried to get my hep-lock inserted. She wasn't able to get the hep-lock set after two tries, so she called in another nurse who did a fantastic job getting it going. We were really trying to keep me IV free and under minimum monitoring so that I could move around, but the hep-lock was not a big deal for me to have set up in case of emergency.
After some unknown amount of time (Wyatt and R had covered the room's clock), I was allowed to go to the shower. It was tiny, and the water was not as hot as I usually like, but it was wonderful. Wyatt stood just outside the open door giving me ice chips or water between each contraction. The ice chips were particularly wonderful during this time. While in the shower, I would lean forward on the little stool on which I sat and rest my head against the wall. This worked, but after a while I could tell that my head was going to be either bruised or have a bump from leaning it against the wall for so long. I was right about the bump, but that didn't bother me until much later. A washcloth helped cushion my head after I noticed the discomfort.
After the shower, I labored on the toilet, standing at the foot of the bed and squatting during contractions, on the birthing ball, and briefly in a duck walk position. I don't remember much about this phase of labor, and I'm pretty sure that at some point during this time I asked R what stage I was in. She said transition, and I was bummed. I thought that I'd made it through that stage already since I had already experienced the worst pain of my life. I was scared that the pain would get worse.
The fear of pain is something that I had to work through more than once. I told R several times that I was scared of the pain getting worse, of losing control, of being unable to relax or breathe through the contractions, and she assured me that it was a good thing to lose control and let my body work. I knew that, but in the midst of things I was scared. And then the next contraction would hit and I'd live through it, just like I had lived through contractions throughout the day. I had to keep telling myself that pain wouldn't kill me. Pain is just pain, and my body would do what it was made to do.
During my shower I started feeling more pressure in my bottom, and I thought that I was getting nearer to pushing. I had Wyatt step out to tell R I might be ready to push, and she assured me that my body would push when it was ready and that we'd all know when it happened. I tried to relax and go with the flow.
At some point, either when I was shower or when I was laboring on the toilet, R brought in an ice pack to put on my belly. She said that the baby's heart-rate was fine but that she was in a sleepy cycle and they'd like to see her wake up a bit. I assume that the icepack worked because no one ever gave any hint of concern over the baby's health. There were a few times that I asked how the baby was doing, just for my own peace of mind, because it was hard to believe that the baby I was working so hard to birth could be riding things out so smoothly. It was a relief to hear each time that our little one was fine.
While laboring on the toilet, Wyatt was doing nipple stim to help increase my contractions in hopes of my bag of waters breaking. All day, but particularly once at the hospital, I would pray and hope during each contraction that my bag would break. I could feel so much pressure against my cervix, and I had hopes that the bag breaking would help relieve the pressure some. I'm not sure if it was the nipple stim or not, but suddenly I felt my body bearing down and heard myself grunting. R stuck her head into the bathroom to tell me that she'd heard my grunt and it sounded wonderful. Wyatt and I were left alone again for a while longer while I continued to grunt and push. He would do nipple stim, and I would briefly hate him and R for it because the stimulation really did make things more intense. I physically swatted Wyatt's hands away several times because it was too much for me to handle.
Also during this time, Wyatt and R kept having me drink juice to get my blood sugar up and give me energy for pushing. I briefly wondered why they didn't just give me a spoonful of honey like Wyatt and I had planned earlier, but it wasn't until the next day that I learned that our labor foods had mistakenly been left at home. Oops.
Doctor Green finally arrived and I overheard someone mention it being around 3am. That was the first time since the previous morning that I'd known even roughly what time it was. I was amazed that it'd been so long but was relieved to know that he was there to see me deliver my baby into the world. He came in to examine me and said that he could break my bag of waters if we wanted. I said yes, and Wyatt agreed, even though we'd previously wished to have the bag break spontaneously. Next time we'd like to wait to have it break naturally, but this time we went with the manual rupture and, thank God, there were no complications. My waters were also free of meconium and I was relieved. I very much wanted my baby to be put directly to my belly after delivery and I knew that if there was meconium in the waters that they'd need to suction out Baby directly after birth before giving her to me.
Having my waters break was one of the best feelings I can recall ever experiencing. But, of course that meant that baby's head was able to fully engage my cervix and rush things along. I think Dr. Green may also have mentioned when he did the initial exam that I was about 9cm. I didn't really let that sink in much since I was already feeling the urge to push.
After my bag was broken we were left alone again to labor in the bathroom. After only a few more contractions I felt the urgent need to get to the bed. I freaked out a bit as I stood up and walked into the labor room because the baby felt like a bowling ball between the legs. I was encouraged to squat at the foot of the bed a bit during a few contractions, and I did, but then I freaked out again as the baby moved lower. I wanted to get into bed. I made it to the side of the bed, swayed a bit to help baby move further, and then I *really* needed to get into bed. That was a slow and painful process and once I was on the bed I didn't feel like I could move from where I was on my back. I was contracting frequently and involuntarily pushing and grunting each time.
Dr. Green examined me again and said there was a tiny bit of cervical lip remaining. During the next contraction he pushed the lip over the baby's head and that was, according to Wyatt, the first and possibly only time during labor that I said ouch. It hurt! But, we also knew then that the baby was actively making her way into the world and would be in my arms soon.
Our nurse had made some hot hot-compresses using a water kettle (the hospital's water really doesn't get hot enough, it's true), and we had brought a bottle of almond oil with us for perineal support. Dr. Green suggested that I move onto my left side, and he used the compresses and then the oil while Wyatt helped me support my right leg as I pushed. And pushed.
I don't think anyone once told me when to breath and when to push, and for that I am extremely grateful. I heard words of encouragement alone the lines of "you're doing great," "that's a wonderful push," "wow, you're really moving that baby down," and I was encouraged. I pushed hard, and when I felt pain of the ring-of-fire variety I panted. I didn't really need to thinking about pushing vs. panting and relaxing, and it was incredible to know, in an out-of-body sort of way that my body really did know what to do. I knew intellectually that it did, but to experience my body doing things on autopilot was pretty amazing.
Someone told me to reach down and feel my baby's head, and I was expecting to feel the head crowning and be nearly done with it. I was slightly bummed to feel her still a way up in the birth canal, but it was a rush to feel the head of the child who I'd co-created and carried in my body, and who I was about to meet! And I particularly remember feeling that the baby had some hair. A few minutes later they told me to touch her head again, and I was reluctant at first because, well, I was distracted. I did feel though and I'm glad that I did. She was actually crowning and I knew that I really was mere moments away from my daughter's birth.
After a few more pushes and panting her head was out, and I was hopeful that the rest of her would follow quickly. Instead, I had to push harder than I thought I would to get her shoulders delivered. Soon, though, I felt the most amazing physical, emotional, hormonal, and spiritual surge as my child slipped out of my body, into my hands, and was then placed on my belly. it was 4:05am on January 27th, 2010.
My sweet baby was extremely purple, but her eyes were wide open and looking around. I hope to always remember that look. Someone in the room, either R or one of the nurses, had said during my pushing that the baby was looking great on the monitor and was having a very happy and peaceful delivery. I was so grateful to know that as a peaceful birth is just what I wanted for her, and I wasn't concerned when she didn't start wailing right away. It was only a few moments of quietly taking in the world before she started crying, and that sound was as wonderful as seeing her alert eyes for the first time. As I held my baby, the nurses rubbed her with blankets to get her partially cleaned, and someone put a hat on her. I held her, told her I loved her, told her she was sweet and beautiful. And then I realized that I hadn't confirmed that she was actually a she. Everyone assured me that she was in fact a girl, and someone asked her name. Elizabeth.
6 minutes later, Dr. Green said that the cord had stopped pulsing and asked Wyatt if he wanted to cut the cord. Previously, Wyatt had said he wouldn't want to, but he did cut it after all. My placenta was delivered about 4 minutes later, of it's own volition rather than being pulled out. I give Wyatt some credit for this as he'd begun nipple stim again as soon as the baby was born so that I would continue contracting and help prevent hemorrhaging. Red heads are notorious bleeders, apparently, and even though I'd been taking chlorophyll daily to help build up my vitamin K stores, I was concerned that I would bleed excessively. Thankfully, I did not hemorrhage, and throughout the rest of my stay at the hospital, my nurses were all impressed that I wasn't bleeding much.
While we were bonding and snuggling, Dr. Green was stitching me up, though I barely felt it. I wasn't surprised that I'd torn a bit, and R later told me that she thinks it was when the shoulders made their way through that I tore. I believe it, seeing as I was pushing more than I thought I'd need to and not allowing myself to do the panting/relaxing/stretching that I'd done with the head. At any rate, the tears were average (2nd degree) and nothing major.
After Dr. Green finished the sutures and we got a few pictures, Elizabeth was set lower on my belly for her first crawl to the breast. She scooted her way up my belly, flopped towards my left breast, and with very little encouragement latched on for the first time. Once she latched she just lay there, nipple in mouth, and closed her eyes. She did start sucking, and nursed there for about 20 minutes. We then helped her to the other breast and she stayed there for another 15 minutes.
And suddenly, two hours had passed since my daughter was born and we needed to transfer to the nursery and postpartum ward. A nurse helped me clean up a bit, situated me in a wheel chair, and another nurse set up Elizabeth in an isolette to be wheeled by Wyatt to the nursery. I opted to go with them to the nursery for her weighing and measuring. We had to say goodbye to R at the point since it was 6am, long before visiting hours, and we were sad to see her go. Having her with us for labor and delivery was such a huge huge blessing.
Once at the nursery, Wyatt and I were stunned to learn that Elizabeth weighed 8lbs and 11oz. Our little girl was not as little as I thought she'd be, and I felt rather like a super star for growing such a big girl in only 37 weeks!
I was then wheeled to our postpartum recovery room while Wyatt stayed with Elizabeth for a while longer. Apparently, her temp dropped when she was in the nursery and they needed to keep her under heat lamps for a couple of hours. I rested and called my family to tell them about our baby girl, and finally, at 9am, my husband brought our daughter back to our room and we spent some time in stunned amazement getting to know one another a bit.
The next 24 hours involved meeting with Elizabeth's pediatrician, whom we love, learning to breastfeed, trying to stay calm about all of Elizabeth's sputters and bubbles as she continued to clear out her respiratory system, and introducing Elizabeth to some of our dear friends, my mom, and our beloved priest and his wife. That time period also involved about 2 hours of sleep for this weary mama who was flying high on many hormones. And really, how could I sleep when there was an adorable sleeping child in my arms?
We left the hospital the next day, Thursday Jan. 28th, after a check-up and all-clear from our pediatrician and Dr. Green. Around 10:30am, we three were on our way. Home. Just the three of us, setting out together.
Life felt surreal. Life felt wonderful. For that matter, life with Elizabeth still feels surreal, and it is wonderful. Truly. We are so thankful for our smooth labor and delivery and for our healthy baby girl. We do not take for granted our experience, and we thank God for seeing us through it safely.
Thank you to everyone who encouraged us, supported us, prayed for us and taught us along the way.
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